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Life & appeal Weekly: delighted You
Bounce Back fast From a Mistake
By Anne L. Fritz for life & appeal Weekly
Hope Schmid will never forget the mistake that caused her 6-year-old daughter to come home from school crying. “I was meant to bring in cookies for her homeroom party,” remembers Schmid, 32, of Fairfax Station, Va. “But I had a project due at work and my mommy was going in for medical tests. It completely slipped my mind. I felt like a horrible mother.”
Most people can relate to a mistake like Schmid’s — and the feelings that come with it. forgetting to do something crucial or saying the wrong thing does a number on your self-esteem. “When we mess up, doubts we have about ourselves and our underlying insecurities go into overdrive,” says Leslie Sokol, who holds a doctorate in scientific psychology and is the co-author of think Confident, Be Confident. You might dwell on the mistake, feel bad about yourself and spend the rest of the day beating yourself up — or taking it out on others.
But everyone makes mistakes. “A rare occurrence or utterance isn’t proof that you’re a cruel or bad person,” says Sokol. It’s what you do afterward that makes a difference. Reacting in a positive way, ideal away, can help put you back in control and allow you to step on and regain your self-esteem.
Check out Sokol’s methods for how to cope with the following familiar scenarios. put the recommendations into practice and you’ll come out feeling better about the mistake and yourself.
Scenario No. 1: You miss an crucial meeting because you’re late.
Bounce-back Strategy: Take action.
Apologize to the people you were meant to meet, then find a way to rectify the situation ASAP, suggests Sokol. If the meeting went on without you, ask a co-worker to tell you what was discussed. once updated, you can prepare for the next meeting and take action on any next steps.
If the meeting was canceled because of your absence, take the lead in rescheduling it as swiftly as possible. Be flexible with your calendar to accommodate everyone else’s. putting yourself in charge of righting the situation helps you feel capable again. getting up to speed or securing another meeting time ideal away also prevents you from dwelling on your goof.
Scenario No. 2: You say something dumb to your boss or in a meeting.
Bounce-back Strategy: keep perspective.
acknowledge the mistake immediately by saying something like, “I put my foot in my mouth; let’s take a step backward.” Then, try not to obsess or beat yourself up over it, because that just turns your comment into a much bigger deal than it actually is.
“Remember that one sentence isn’t a reflection of who you are,” says Sokol. “How lots of comments have you made in your life? At one point or another, everyone says something stupid.”
If you have trouble letting it go — or your co-workers don’t let you — keep reminding yourself that it’s normal to make mistakes and try to laugh about it. “The crucial is to accept that you have shortcomings without letting them indicate something global about you,” says Sokol.
Be proactive and plan to be extra-sharp in the next meeting. and believe it or not, there may even be a silver lining: “When we blunder, we show our human side. It can allow others to relate to us and appreciate us as the non-perfect people we all are,” says Sokol.
Scenario No. 3: You forget to send cupcakes for your child’s school party.
Bounce-back Strategy: own up to it, without excessive explanations or blaming others.
admit your mistake — if you forgot, you forgot — and say you are sorry to your child and her teacher. You can offer a brief explanation if there are extenuating scenarios that you can share openly and honestly. “But make sure your main message is that you messed up and are sorry regardless of the reason,” says Sokol.
Also avoid over-apologizing or using multiple explanations. (“I didn’t write it down, and the pet dog got sick and my boss …”) Both are symptoms of doubt, says Sokol. and feeding into any doubts about your abilities as a mother does a lot more to undermine your self-esteem than to comfort your kid or her teacher.
Instead, send cupcakes to make up for the ones you forgot. and keep telling yourself that this one mistake (or even 50 more) does not negate all the other qualities that make you a great mother.
Scenario No. 4: You got a haircut that turned out very, very bad.
Bounce-back Strategy: focus on the whole picture.
You’re probably embarrassed, so you’ve got to do some self-talk to get past this momentary situation. tell yourself that feeling beautiful and attractive comes from a combination of lots of things — personality, intellect, humor, talent and limitless other special attributes — not just what your hair looks like, says Sokol.
Plus, even on the outside, people see a lot more of you than a bad haircut. “They notice how you put yourself together as a whole, including your friendly eyes and warm smile,” says Sokol. “Don’t over-inflate the value of one perceived flaw.”
Scenario No. 5: during an argument, you say hurtful things you don’t mean.
Bounce-back Strategy: Be sincere and take responsibility.
As soon as you can, apologize and ask for forgiveness. describe that you know you hurt the other person and that the comment was your anger talking, not what you genuinely believe.
For example, after a fight with a spouse, to show that you’re sincere, give him examples to counter your comment, suggests Sokol. If you said your spouse was stupid, tell him, “You know I don’t actually think you’re stupid. who do I always go to for questions about [insert topic here]?” Or, “Whenever I can’t help the kids with their homework, you always have the answers.”
Also important: admit that you were wrong. “Say something like, ‘I was upset, but I also know that saying hurtful things is not the ideal way to manage myself,’” she adds.
It’s normal to feel disappointed in yourself, but once you apologize and take remedial action, you have to let it go, says Sokol. All you can do after that is avoid making the same mistake again.
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